Here it is, the last entry into this mini series of mine. Lets crack on.

The idea of university was growing and seemed to be an achievable way of getting out of Devon, which in my head was a top priority. Whilst the majority of my family really enjoy living there and consider it to be ‘home’ even if they are living else where I have increasingly disliked this idea. I am unable to put my finger on the exact reason for this but it just feels like a black hole to me; stretching me out, pulling me into the darkness and out of existence. Maybe something in the air and ‘my poor brain’ just don’t get on.

I applied to a few universities with the help of family and friends and then I disappeared to Zimbabwe to see my Dad with some family, this time with no drama or surgery involved thankfully. I was offered positions at two universities after interviews and since September I have been a mature student, although there isn’t much that is ‘mature’ about me I would say, sure others would to.

The past 6 months have so far gone well, touch wood, with no sign of the depression cloud as I continue with my magic candy. Of course, things are not 100%, my knee cartilage has probably got a tear in it for the third time which stops me enjoying sports and exercise and my social anxiety is still pretty bad, I feel like I get stared at a lot as if I have forgotten to wear trousers or something and meeting new people, the idea of job interviews, learning to drive, money, cooking in my new flat, and other silly little things can still terrify me and have me break out in a sweat. I imagine everyone has similar feelings though at sometime.

So now after experiencing first hand the poor services/options and general stigma around mental health I would like to try make a difference, preferably with my art/blog as I now use my depression and anxiety as a form of inspiration where ever I can and I one day hope to sell my designs and illustrations as prints on clothing, etc… and donate some of the potential profits gained from each sale to various mental health charities or have a link directly with a mental health charity, That idea is a long way in the future though and to be honest, first of all, I would just like to be selfish and become a fairly normal adult with a stable job that I potentially enjoy, a nice place to live, time to enjoy my hobbies and do things that I want to do so I can be happy.

I would say to anyone who has similar or worse feelings to mine, be SELFISH. I mean that in the sense that you have to do what will make you happy, no one else matters for a while. Quit your job, move away, leave your gf/bf, find new friends, ignore what people think you should do and just do what makes you happy. As long as no one gets hurt why would you not try everything to achieve happiness?

I am hoping that what I have described in the above paragraph makes sense and that it doesn’t get misconstrued and potentially it or this mini series will help someone some how.

Till next time, goodbye my friends…